Feelings

After falling off the the blog wagon for a few days there, I decided to come back.  This has been a really tough week.  Finishing up my differentiated reading course with a major assignment, weeding through a list of schools with positions for the upcoming year, updating my resume, sending it out to a good number of schools (Jon helped me with that part!), completing my professional development binder for work... I am exhausted.  I haven't stopped working until about 11:30 each night, getting about 6 or less hours of sleep.  And with plenty of end-of-the-year responsibilities at work, I have felt a bit stressed this week.  I have felt a bit apathetic about anything other than getting done what I need to get done, really.

I'm not one to talk much about my feelings outside of my family and a few close friends (dinner is more exciting to talk about, after all) but I tell you, today they have been all over the place.  After I found out that my contract was not renewed last Friday, I got right down to business applying at other schools.  I really felt okay with it.  I saw it as an opportunity for a new adventure.  Maybe I would have the opportunity to go somewhere that might be better suited for me, somewhere that could help me grow as an educator even more.  And I still do see it that way.  I am excited to see what God may have in store.  But I woke up this morning, for the first time just feeling really bummy about the situation.  I did not want to go to work.  I felt detached, unwanted, and a even a bit ashamed.  Logic told me not to feel this way, but it was hard not to.  That is my school family, where I have formed connections and relationships, and all of a sudden "they don't want  me" anymore.  It's easy to let those feelings take over, and I kind of did today.

I know that God has a plan for me.  I have no idea what it is.  It may not be what I want it to be.  It may be far from what I want.  But I am going to put my hope and my trust in Him, knowing that He loves me, that He knows my heart and my desires, and that He knows what is best for me and my little family.  No more feeling bummy.

On a more expected note...

We started our second week of 5K training on Monday.  Three minutes of walking, two minutes of running, repeat four more times.  The first night I wanted to die.  The second night, I wanted to die again.  Tomorrow is our third time.  Will it be a charm?  We'll see.  I am enjoying running, even though all that runs through my head when I am doing it is "I hate this, why am I doing this, this is awful, I am going to throw my running shoes away, I would rather weight 300 pounds, I am going to punch the next person I see who is not being tortured like me", so on and so forth.  We went to Track Shack on Monday and bought new running shoes.  Since then, my hip pain has decreased and my feet don't hurt.  Woohoo!

I tried to upload a photo of my new shoes, but it isn't working.  They are white and blue running shoes.  I'm sure you can picture them.